Challenge accepted – and then, DENIED!

I cringe every time I think about it. The thought weighs heavy: “Do I really want to do this?” It’s always in the back of my mind looming. On my list of important things to accomplish in my life, finishing this class is not one of them. I hate the feeling of dread, I hate being out of harmony. This task throws me off…

I am at odds with my Philosophy class. Just typing the words makes me wish that I wouldn’t have signed up for it in the first place. I signed up for this class eager and enthusiastic to learn something I have always been interested about. The first two weeks of class were such a let down for me. I was psyched to be learning about life, self, love, god and existence but then I found out that not everyone has really thought about this before. I’ve been thinking about all of this for years now, basically ever since I can remember. I notice how people just don’t get it, and require a lengthy explanation for everything in the class. And even after that, they still don’t get it. It’s so frustrating to not learn anything at all. I sit through class forcing myself to be engaged. I glance at the clock every few minutes, everyday. I love Matt Sanderson, don’t get me wrong. He is a brilliant professor and he has taught me new things. When it comes down to it though, I am not with the majority of the class. I know what he is talking about, and I don’t require an hours worth of explanation about something I already know the answer to.

Breathe. Just stop. Close your eyes and breathe. Knowledge surrounds me. Engulfs me. I swim through it, wading in with the nonsense. Repetitive perhaps? Tic, toc. The clock is staring. I resist. It’s silly to think time can go by like this…

I feel like I should really try. I know this class will help me, but there is a strong part of me that is resisting all of it. Why? I like a challenge, and really, that goes for every aspect of my life. I love to learn. I feel like I am simply wasting my time with this class. My time is precious, life is short. I could have taken another class that would have challenged me, that would have engulfed me. But did I? No. In the end of it all, it’s really my fault and it’s my responsibility. I chose this path.


About nicholetubbs

Life is a beautiful journey.
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