I hate algebra. I simply do not care about polynomials, quadratic equations, or foiling to find x or even y for that matter. Who can remember all those theories? More important why would anyone ever need to?
I have avoided math as long as I possibly could. I have dropped two separate math courses in my two years at West Shore. They where hard. And I didn’t feel like it anyway-
I have always been told how smart was. Since I was a child I was paraded around to impress all the grown ups. It was great; all I had to do was say word that I already knew and perform simple tasks. They would “oooh” and “ahhh” like I was really something special. School was easy. It wasn’t until middle school that being “smart” became a real problem. Nobody likes a smart kid. But maybe it will be ok to be smart if I act like I don’t care about school. So began my path of never trying too hard.
In high school math became a challenge. I had half assed my way this far; why sweat it? I’m smart. I was sweet with real numbers but complex problems involving multiple variables where impossible if you never learned the steps. Which I hadn’t. I almost failed 10th grade geometry. That was a hit to my self esteem. Am I not smart anymore? No I’m still smart…. I just don’t like math.
I had developed an outcome based goal scheme. I only would engage in activity’s that I was good at. This is a good strategy for making your self look good but not so good for growing as a person. It got to a point that I would not even try new things for fear of not stacking up against the perceived competition. I thought that the whole world was looking at me. I this is all a movie then I am the star, and the star is expected to not only perform but steal the show. My every move is potentially an epic failure. I am locked inside my little bubble of skills because if I stretch too far my shiny little bubble might pop. It is this fear that took hold when I dropped math.
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