Eight Pages of Me

Procrastination. I sit and procrastinate about this paper I need to write, I just don’t want to do it. Eight pages, my heart just sinks into the pit of my stomach, how am I supposed to come up with eight pages of writing? Eight pages of my own original thoughts that’s supposed to be captivating and draw the reader in, all while arguing my position. On top of that we need to sight a minimum of three sources, I just don’t know how I’m going to do this. I don’t want to do this. I sit down at my computer and tell myself I’m going to do this, yet i get up again for about the tenth time to use the bathroom, get something to eat, just waiting for bedtime to roll around. Again, I just don’t want to do this, I don’t want to write this paper.

Why? What’s the big deal, why not just get it over with? I don’t want to write this paper partly because it’s intimidating. Anxiety sets in with just the thought, eight pages of my own words. Eight pages, really? Another reason, the real reason maybe…. I don’t like sharing my thoughts. Where the anxiety really comes from.

My thoughts are my own. I don’t want to let people in. I don’t like being vunerable. I don’t want to be hurt. I don’t want to let people hurt me. I just don’t want to do it. Letting people in my thoughts, writing this paper, eight pages of paper, they’re going to get in. They might know just that much more of who i am or how i feel about controversial issues. What if they don’t agree with me? What if they hate me for how i feel? What if they think less of me? Why can’t i just not care and stat writing.

This to shall pass. Please pass. The thing is, it will pass. I will write this paper. I will share my thoughts. I’ll get over this and I’ll get over this soon. The papers due Thursday. It will be handed in. The anxiety will be gone the paper will be done, but for right now I don’t want to get over this, I just don’t want to do it. So I sit holding onto all these negative feelings that plague my thoughts because i don’t want to do it. I need to do it, but again, for right now, I don’t want to do it and as of right now, I’m not going to do it.

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