Crawling into my little shell


A task I don’t want to do?

I don’t want to post on this blog. I’m not trying to insult anyone here, that really isn’t my intention, but I really DON’T like putting my writing out there for people to read. I am incredibly critical of my writing and always assume that it is sub-standard. I never used to be. I remember high school, I could spit out papers easily. I had a psychology paper to write; 1500 words, one week. I did my research, but waited until the day before it was due to actually write it. I had it finished in less than 3 hours. I did the same in my other classes without a problem and, while I wasn’t particularly proud of my work, I was at least able to get it done and turned in. I could handle the idea of someone reading it. Now, I work for hours on a paper, proof read it, and promptly delete the entire thing. I worry that nothing I have said is worthwhile, valid, or interesting. I don’t know where this suddenly popped up from, but somewhere I lost myself to the fear of judgement. I don’t write specifically so no one can read my writing. So no one can judge me. I won’t even write in my notebooks or keep journals or even send emails if I can avoid it. If I wrote something, anything in a notebook, there is a miniscule chance that I might drop it and someone else could find it and read the things I wrote. Being crippled by fear and paranoia really isn’t conducive to doing well in school. Really.

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