Thoughts Rushing Back In


My neck aches. I am trying to forget but it is all I can think about. It’s creeping up my face to my temples. Nothing else makes sense. It won’t crack and I am in severe pain. Scratch, scratch, scratch. I hear the pens on paper drowning out the breathing that before seemed so loud. In the room when machines weren’t moving all I heard was the quiet breathing, muffled footsteps in the hall and in the gallery. No words however, just like we were instructed. My handwriting doesn’t feel like mine, this is not how I write. I normally print. Today was different. That’s why I like waking up each day: to find out how its going to be different from the day before. Today I am not nauseous, however this neck ache, which is now a full blown headache is not much better. But I’ll deal. I always deal. I never let a headache get in the way of what I am doing. I’ll pretend its not there until I can get home and finally take a nap. I hardly nap anymore, I’m too busy. I work, go to school, have rehearsal and spend time with my friends. I hate to miss anything, so I tend not to spend any alone time with myself. Not that I mind, I hate being alone. I’m too terrified.

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