I gaze into the nature as if I were wading in the swamp myself. Trying to imagine how people stood to take the photo and how they felt when they saw the beautiful image before them. Envy. Passion. Jealousy. Peace. Contentment. Joy. Comfort. Nature brings so much happiness to my life – even through pictures and art. I remember what it feels like to swim with the fish. To dive deep and open your eyes ; my eyes. And explore. It feels calm, free, daring, revitalizing, fresh. I miss it. I long for it. I want to go home. Pictures of the country, water, and weeds make me miss home. I get homesick looking at pictures of Ireland and the state park. But neither of those are home. The feelings I get when I see them, when I explore them. THAT is home! Comfort, cool, chill, relaxed, freedom, neverending freedom. Freedom like skinny dipping in the lake at night with nobody around. Never ending fluid movements. The only resistance being the water itself. I miss it. I will be back. I will have my naked home once again. Not that clothing restricts me, but the ability to float & know nothing could make you fall. Nothing stands between you and death but water resistance. And even then you can fight it. You can fight for life or death. It is literally sink or swim. And I love that. I will have it again. Gabe will know how it feels one day & I can’t wait. I hope he loves it as much as I do. Water for me is skateboarding for Mike. I feel his pain and sorrow. I want to make it better. I want him to feel at home again. That security. It never changes. The rush & calming feeling at the same time. It is out of this world. But its here… it just feels that far away. I miss it. We may be close to lake Michigan, but it isn’t the same. The big lake has waves, tides, currents, & it pulls you. Baptist Lake is still. Calm. Free. A giant bath tub full of live and revitalizing water that cleanses you when you are in it. Even if it doesn’t, the point is, it feels like it. I could swim for days & still feel new. I need to live on a lake. Now it isn’t just a goal/dream… it is an objective. My purpose. I will get there one day.
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